Question by Honey C: really needing some feedback on the beginning of my story?
Prologue
I continued running, stepping barefoot through the never ending forest of large pine trees as mud splashed onto my bare legs from the pouring rain. I heard a roll of thunder in the distance. A thunderstorm was fast approaching.
Panting heavily, I finally made my way out into the open field of green grass and wilting yellow daisies. The amazing Brooklyn mountains sat so peacefully in the distance.
I came to a sudden stop- I couldn’t run anymore. My knees caved beneath me as I fell to the ground where more mud splashed onto my white, expensive dress. I was far from concerned. I then screamed as loud as I could looking up into, what was now, the night sky. My hair was soaking wet. I cried hysterically not even caring if anybody was there witnessing my disgrace. My chest felt tight, there was a hole where my heart used to be, and I pleaded with the storm to strike me.
“Why?!” I screamed into the empty space “Why me?!”
It was pointless, but I just hoped something, anything could hear me… that someone would just appear from behind me and tell me it’s all over…. anything would be better than this… even death. I layed in the rain on my back, spoiling my dress further. I stared up at the sky sobbing to myself and knowing i would have to face reality sooner than later.
Chapter One
“This one’s mine!” I yelled across the hallway as I stepped into the bright, sun filled room. I was so excited about our new house. It was so different to what we had back in New Jersey.
My younger brother, Steven, then came running in to see what my room looked like.
“Isn’t it amazing?” I asked, admiring what was now mine.
He scoured the large empty room before answering,
“Not as good as mine.” he remarked in a conceited manner.
I rolled my eyes as I stared into the mirrors that were connected to my, rather large, walk-in wardrobe. ‘This is going to be great.’ I thought to myself, smiling as I flicked my long honey brown hair behind my shoulders. ‘I can feel it.’
Dinner that night was unusual as we all sat on the floor amongst boxes and plastic covered furniture. It was a very exciting time for my family and I as my dad was starting a new job in a few days, and I was starting my first year of high school in just a few weeks.I wondered how different school was in Brooklyn. Would the people be nicer? The thought was exciting but daunting. My school years, back in New Jersey, were painful. There were some nasty girls that just refused to let me have a day without being picked on. I was teased, mainly, for my love of reading. While the rest of my year sat in the lunchroom flirting with each other, I chose to bury myself deep into romance novels. I wouldn’t have had it any other way though. Books were filled with adventure, thrills and emotions that were beyond our imagination. It was them who was missing out- not me.
I was spread out on, what would eventually be, the loungeroom floor finishing off my dinner when my mum spoke in her soft tone.
“Callie, we found a studio, just a few streets from here, that does open ballet classes. Are you still wanting to continue with your dancing?” She asked while taking her plate to the kitchen sink.
A huge smile spread across my face. I had been taking ballet classes since I was three, there was no way I would give it up now.
“Of course.” I answered. She seemed pleased.
“Who agree’s that after dinner we go and say hello to our new neighbours?” My dad asked randomly.
I looked up at him and smiled. “Great idea.” I replied.
“Anyone else want to join us?” He asked one last time in his low, husky voice.
Typical Steven just grunted and then took off to his room. No doubt to stick his head into his brain-cell killing gameboy. Mum seemed too busy cleaning to even take notice of the conversation.
“Well kiddo, looks like it’s just me and you.”
Half an hour later, after my dad and I had rummaged through our suitcases to find some appropriate clothing to wear, we headed out into the cold to greet our new neighbours. It was exciting for me because our house back in New Jersey was fairly isolated. The only neighbours we had were the occasional ducks that played in our backyard pond. I wasn’t used to being in such a busy town.
My dad and I approached the door of the house to our right. An old lady wearing a long blue skirt and yellow cardigan answered the door.
“Hi there,” My dad said while putting his hand out to shake hers. “My daughter, Callie, and I just wanted to pop over to introduce ourselves. I’m James.”
They gently shook hands.
“Oh, so you’re the new neighbours?” The old lady questioned, “What a pleasure it is to meet you both, I’m Lillian.” Lillian’s smile was the biggest I had ever seen. “My, and aren’t you just the prettiest young thing.” She whispered while her hand gently caressed my cheek.
I smiled uncomfortably before changing the subject.
“You have a beautiful garden.” I stated. “You must look after
oh my god i just realized it cut out lol. thanks 4 the feedback x
“You must look after it well.”
“Why thank you dear. The boy who lives on the other side of you, Jake, takes care of it for me.” Lillian replied. “He’s a lovely boy that one. We don’t even pay him, he just does it out of the kindness in his heart.” She finished saying. It was awkwardly silent for a moment before my dad began to speak.
“Well we must move along, as we still have other neighbours to meet. Thank you for your time Lillian. My family and I look forward to getting to know you better.”
“My pleasure. If there is anything I can do just let me know. Oh and just a caution of warning- my husband is not a very, well let’s just say, neighbourly person. I would just try and stay out of his way if you can. He can be a stubborn man that one!”
“Will do,” my dad replied. “Goodbye.”
My dad put his arm around me as we approached the door of the house to our left. Just as I was about to ring the door bell I could hear someone unlatching the lock. A middle aged lady flung the do
open and stood in the door way with a very unwelcoming look on her face.
“Can I help you?” She asked in a rude manner.
“nasty wonder girls now dance”
Best answer:
Answer by MommyD
I really like it! I would love to read more! Really good, I wish it were a book for me to read right now!
“nasty wonder girls now dance”
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments! “nasty wonder girls now dance”
